I am a newbie consultant.... Learning the ropes really. The misadventures that I have had so far compensates for the all flak that consultants get across the world. The last few months have been interesting.. I am hybrid gujju-delhite currently trapped in the middleness of South India.... And I am as lost as a condom in a church.
But I have this knack for getting into trouble. From foot-in-mouths to awkward conversations- I have managed to gain significant ground in the past few months. I think one of the keys to survival is having a good chilled out boss- a lot like choosing your parents - you don't have a say in it.
Anyways, alongside all consultants, comes the regular stuff - the hotel stays, the flights at ungodly hours and of course - the anti-social, semi-psychopath Tamilian driver who of course, would not understand a word of English. But then, you wouldn't know that till one hour into the road trip when you realize that all he said was "Yes Sir" in twenty different styles to your every statement -be it a simple statement you made or a question you asked.
So, there we were, on National Highway-7, cruising at 125 kms/hr. Till this point, I was under the impression that only I was blessed with a homicidal driver....till I met other drivers on the highway- It was perfect, it really was. All my driver had to do was DRIVE.... that's all. No cutting other drivers, not bugging the hell outta others on the road and definitely not to do what he did-
We were going down the road when another driver cut him off- sort of startle him from his semi-dazed state into normal psychomoronic consciousness. Next thing I know, my driver and the other driver are having this superb conversation at 140 kms/hr . Pleasantries of the very unparliamentary kind exchanged at high decibels at high speeds... After a lot of "PODAA!!RAASSCCALL!!PO - something something"....
All this was fairly entertaining to me so far... and then the most moronic thing happened. The cars come to a screeching halt, the drivers get out of the car and they start scratching and hitting and punching each other.... under normal circumstances, this would be ok- even fun to a certain extent... but THIS WAS BEING DONE ON THE FREAKING NATIONAL BLOODY HIGHWAY!!!.... This is the road, where the even the Govt asks to drive fast.... and these two guys were playing WWF for cryin out loud!!...
At this point, I was in a moral dilemma, Get out of the car before another crazy driver rams into the car from behind, or stay in the car and horn away to glory hoping that the horn will distract them.... Since I was the only certified consultant on hand, I did what we consultants are trained to do- I prayed....and I prayed and then I prayed some more. After invoking every available Good Lord's name in vain for approx 30 sec, a feeling of sense prevailed. My driver broke the other guy's nose, but had to lose his left canine in the exchange. It was fair game. More importantly, no one was killed....
and luckily for me- I lived to tell another tale about the hysterical world of consultants.
-Princess Nia
